A year back were the thrills, the beers,
The laughing and coming near.
The year now is the screaming and tears,
Those pills and fears.
They come and haunt while darkness leers.
All that joy, turned taunts and jeers.

Click! The lamps click on.
The streets glow, playing a golden song.
She, her sullen shadow lingers till dawn.
Walks and walks, around the lawn.
Little Soul, why are you so lone?
A pretty child that is ruined, that cries.

Mistakes she makes, on her geometrical ways.
She trods a while, stares at the broken sky,
Where the eaten clouds around the half-moon lie.
Her black, dark brows, her hair, her eyes,
All mingled with the scene that try,
Try to please her with floating memories.

Her pride that broke, since then in pain.
Her heart, he slain,
Her family looks at her with disdain.
She knows not why it happens.
These thoughts feel faint,

Today, I wanna thank all the woman in my life dedicating one of my best work to them. Rose is said to be the symbol of purity, beauty and love. Most importantly, they quite resemble women.

She is a mother, a sister, a friend, a lover.. She is the support you will always cherish. She is the softness you will always look for. She is the inspiration that will never let you down. She is a 'woman', a 'lady', a 'girl'.


Thank you,
Souvick Mazumder

I resist and push him away most of the night. I wonder if he's even aware of doing it. There is no escape in the morning, I realise, as he finds my lips and kisses me. There I go again in another sojourn of pretence that will last for God knows how long. I feel no desire and yet, there I am covering up all that I feel by making an effort at responding. His hands roam all over my body, demanding and satisfied, not stopping even once to ask if I am interested or if it's okay with me. I loathe the touch. I stare at the ceiling trying as much as I can to not think of what is happening. Yet, it is my body I am talking about.

My mind has travelled miles away. I stand afar and watch, determined to go through it as my husband makes love to me. Love? My brain is screaming and telling him to go away some place far and I lie silent. I try hard to keep the tears from coming to my eyes. The futility of it all is too much to bear and as the minutes go by, tears well up in my eyes. I avoid his eyes and moan to keep him from looking at me. How well do I know him and how well I know the tears won't bother him as long as he can hear me moan.

I win.

He sees them, perhaps, feels the whole act has overwhelmed me. He is satisfied. That finishes the matter does it?

It all seems unreal and yet I can feel the pain of it all in me. I do not find myself in me. There I am, lying on the bed, my husband on me, staring at the ceiling, at the fan, almost indifferent, at the speed with which it is spinning against the pale black ceiling. He slumps on me, exhausted and here's another day ahead of me, filled with ache of pretending and living this way. The tears refuse to go. Agony gives way to anger and I cannot think of any way to explain the way I feel deep inside.

A sadness unsurpassed.

The phone rings, the doorbell rings. Its Nirmala Bai at the door. I drag myself out of bed, walk towards the door.

I can hear him humming as he shaves.

Picture Courtesy - Google Images
Copyright@Sandy 2001

Most of us[if not all] have heard about competitive examinations. These are usually referred to those examinations which enable students to take admission into colleges, universities, business schools and the like. Any student aspiring to get into a top college such as MIT, or Harvard or Tokyo University or Indian Institute of Technology, will need to first get over the hurdle of entrance exams. Popular competitive exams include the GRE[Graduate Record Examination], the GMAT[Graduate Management Admission Test], TOEFL[Test of English as a Foreign Language], IIT-JEE[Indian Institute of Technology- Joint Entrance Examination], etc. It is a well known fact that you need to score extraordinary marks in such examinations in order to qualify for the best colleges. Moreover most of them are highly competitive, even more so in Asian countries such as India and China, where thousands of students compete for a handful of seats in the premier institutes. In this post, we shall examine whether such competitive examinations are indeed necessary or have they become more of a burden in recent times.

I will be focusing more on the psychological aspects of such examinations, rather than the technical or financial feasibility of conducting such exams on a large scale. Or in other words, what sort of a mental impact do such examinations have on young students, usually in the age group of 15-22 years. Let us start with the necessity. Competitive exams are not a recent phenomenon and have existed for over half a century. In all likelihood they will continue to exist for a long period in future too. Examinations such as GRE and GMAT test the verbal and quantitative aptitude of a candidate, along with his logical thinking ability and to check his speed plus accuracy, all within a fixed amount of time. Surveys conducted have shown that such skills are indeed necessary for scientists, managers, researchers, or professionals in any field. In India, the popular competitive exam called CAT[Common Admission Test], for entry into the Indian Institute of Managements[IIMs] is somewhat similar to the GRE or GMAT . The IIT-JEE focuses on Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics skills. There are also other entrance tests for Law colleges, Arts, Commerce, etc. The point being that entrance tests have become very much a part and parcel of life.

However there is one major difference between the developed countries and developing countries, with respect to competitive exams. In developed countries, such as USA, there are hundreds of premier educational institutes, offering specializations in diverse fields, ranging from engineering, management, science, astronomy, philosophy, psychology, drama, sports, medicine, tourism, and what not. So even if a student fails to get into say MIT, he can be content with other institutes and will still have lots of choice. Compared to that, in India, and to some extent even China, there are very few premier institutes which can offer high quality education. This, coupled with the huge student population in both countries, has created an enormous supply-demand mismatch. Thousands of students are competing for a single seat in a few institutes, as such institutes guarantee a job after completion of the course. In fact students spend 12-14 hours per day studying in order to grab the prestigious seat by any means. Naturally that takes quite a toll on the young child, and in may lead to negative outcomes, such as depression, health problems, suicidal tendencies, ostracism, etc. Unfortunately in many cases, parents force the child to appear in such competitive exams, even if the child does not want to.



The problem with such exams is that once a student starts preparing for it, he/she usually ends up forgetting most other things. Teenage life is something which should be enjoyed and treasured, and not to bury oneself in books for 10 hours a day. Not only will this make the child unsocial, but will also make him depressed or frustrated. Balancing school studies along with competitive exams is another difficult task for many students. The thing is that most of the children do not even know why they are studying such stuff in which they have no interest in. This has created a rat-race, in which bowing down to peer pressure and parental pressure, the student mindlessly starts taking one test after another. The reason for this is that in most developing countries, getting a job remains the first priority for students and parents alike. This is why most students are forcibly admitted into engineering or medical colleges such that they can get a job and start working after completion of their course. Making money is important, no doubt, but if done at the cost of one’s interest, may prove to be detrimental in the long run. I believe career counseling is very important in this stage. Rather than forcing children to appear for one entrance test after the other, he/she should be encouraged to follow his/her own career objective.

I believe that instead of having several different competitive examinations, it is better to have a single exam held throughout the year which can be taken by students from any background. Later the respective institutes can decide on their own admission criteria. For example, in India, we have over 10 different entrance exams for MBA with many institutes conducting their own exam. Many students find it troublesome to appear for different exams held at different times during the year.

Often I have read articles in which it was mentioned that students committed suicide after being unable to get into the college of their choice. Other times I read that students commit suicide because they were unable to follow the hectic schedule of their coveted colleges. And the worst part is that many students only realize their mistake after they have taken admission. They come to the conclusion that they are a total misfit in the college, and that their interest clearly lies elsewhere. All this can be avoided with a bit more caution and seriousness when it comes to taking admission in a college.

All said and done, I am not totally against competitive exams. With some structural changes, it is quite possible to conduct such exams in a more cordial manner. The students should not feel that they are in a do-or-die situation while attempting the answers. Other than that, it is very important for us to have more quality institutes in different backgrounds[Science, Arts, Commerce, Law, Engineering, Management, etc], such that deserving students are not left out just because they did not perform very well in a particular exam.

The path you choose defines you. The end may be evident, near, but life is all about not to let it go!