6.4.11 | Post by melissa - μέλισσα,ميليسا,מלסה
"When you live from your soul, you don't try to numb yourself from life's sorrows. Nor do you become so overwhelmed by its grimness that you stay engulfed in despair. Instead, face the pain as you soothe and comfort yourself in its midst. And then let it change you, sensitize you, fill you with compassion. Know that it will open you later to deep joy."
Karen Katafiasz, Living From Your Soul (indiana: One Caring Place Abbey Press,2005), 5.
I've completely forgotten certain things in my life... or dismiss them altogether for the last couple of years... but there are things that cannot be overlooked... and even the Lover wants so much that the Beloved be perfect and light...and most of all, free...that He sends out people to mirror out its needs... and imperfections...
You brought that speck of light in the darkness that is covering my soul... I have ceased asking God why... I have even descended to hell... but God never gave up...
It isn't out of whim that I opt for poverty... or for the children... or fight for women's rights...
I was a victim just like any other...
I cannot fathom my body's increasing needs... that most of the times... it would affect my whole person... and give me dual personalities... i really wish to be good... but there's a thorn that keeps wounding my flesh...
I spoke to him many times... and though I tried so hard to be compassionate... it doesn't end without anger and frustration on my side... He will never change...
Answers do not come easily... I speak of forgiveness...
From the way things are going... I know who among my friends keep me fully as I am... I demanded respect... but it's something that we all have to earn...
Perhaps, that's the main reason why I stayed in the walls for so long... to protect myself...but God knows my needs better...
I do not seek to justify any of my actions...
Many ask me why LOVE to counter indifference and suffering? where is HOPE... where is justice? where is freedom?
and I see all these in the light of God...in His paradox of living... in the Gospel tension He creates within me...
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