Love - It Just Happens
Love for our parents, siblings, and our relatives is a different kind of love. It's a shared love, a common love, when trust comes naturally. It's an expected love, we grow up just knowing they love us. It's a simple easy love. There is nothing like the love of family. Even when the world turns against you, your family will be there.
Then we grow up and learn a totally different kind of love. Let's refer to this love as Being in Love. I know this love can be painful, hurtful, and too much to bear at times.
But after you've gone through the various phases of being in love, it can be the most rewarding, gentle, carefree feeling. It's magical, peaceful, unconditional, it's just amazing. I know you're thinking "OK, Deborah stop feeding us this line of bologna" I think far to many have been hurt and scarred, which led them down the path of Love just doesn't exists. Then there are those that have had to many weird relationships, they have decided that other than love of their family, there is nothing else. I belonged to both groups, I had been hurt so badly that I didn't want love, didn't believe there was such a thing (even though I clearly felt it before) I didn't care to love anyone but my children, family and a few friends.
I've been in love twice in my life, not counting the puppy love you have as a teenager. I was in my 30's when I felt true love for the first time, it was the love you dream of as a little girl. I was the happiest woman in the world, the day I married the love of my life. I had the fairy tale wedding and was living the fairy tale life. I knew what love was and was inhaling every bit of it. Then life shifted. I went from being a successful executive in the business world, to watching the best company I ever worked for uproot our division which left me jobless. That is when my fairy tale world shattered. I slipped into a depression, I didn't understand nor did my hubby. This depression caused me to give up on my working career, and on many things I enjoyed. My hubby didn't know how to handle this, and because of my lack of ambition he became angry, which led to what I've been told was verbal and mental abuse. For 1 1/2 years we lived like this, our relationship falling to pieces, our wonderful love story gone and the only thing we had between us was disappointment and pain.
I eventually left our home, and starting putting back the pieces of me. When I finally found me again, and the depression was a long lost foe, (I also thought I had fallen for another man) my hubby (at this point I couldn't stand) approached me. He said he was sorry for everything he had said, and sorry for everything he had put me through. I didn't care, I wanted no part of him nor his pleas. I remember telling him to go away, and that I hated him (I know strong words, but I needed him to just go!) I couldn't understand why all of a sudden he cared to say sorry or wanted to be a part of my life when he didn't before. I also thought that the other man played a big role in it.
Some time passed. Then I was hit hard again. I realized that I was the other man's "way of passing time" and he soon returned to his home in Singapore. It was a dream summer, and it ended as quickly as it had started. I was heart broken and had now been hurt by two men that I'd had given my last drop of blood too.
My determination to forget about love was even stronger, I pushed away every body that wasn't my children and close friends, I didn't need anyone!! I had convinced myself I didn't care about love, didn't need love and sure as hell wasn't about to fall in love again. Then....
Let me clarify that although I was still married we lived separate lives. Two different homes, two different worlds. I didn't look for him in his world and had hoped he'd stay out of mine. Wishful thinking!! He came around uninvited, unannounced and most certainly unwelcome. I made this all clear, I told him time and time again, I would be happy if he'd just sign the divorce papers. He wouldn't and to make a long story short, he continued to be persistent. Eventually he convinced me to move back to the house we had once called home. There was a spare room that was to become my room, etc. I was apprehensive, but after laying down my rules and him agreeing to them I moved back.
He was determined to win back my love, and be the man I fell in love with, I was ever so determined to keep him at bay too! Again making a long story short, he was kind, supportive of my desires and my need for things to just progress. I felt that if we were meant to be in love again it would just happen. After a year of everything just being, I found myself falling in love for the second time in my life. Who'd of known I'd fall in love with the same man twice? Not me!
Love - It just happens . . .
Have you ever fallen out of love with someone, then later found yourself madly in love with them again? Do you have your own Love - It Just Happens story?
Deborah McConnell
About the Author :
I have always been a thinker and a dreamer with enough common sense to separate the dreams from reality, until I had the wonderful illusion of living my own fairytale love story.Watching it fade left me with an empty void that I‘ve been learning to live with, were I use writing as my crutch.Get a glimpse of my writing on my blog at " Scattered Musings".
I have always been a thinker and a dreamer with enough common sense to separate the dreams from reality, until I had the wonderful illusion of living my own fairytale love story.Watching it fade left me with an empty void that I‘ve been learning to live with, were I use writing as my crutch.Get a glimpse of my writing on my blog at " Scattered Musings".
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This is a beautiful love story...of course, you went through a lot of pain, but all is well that ends well. Kudos to your husband.
ReplyDeleteJanaki, thank you for coming by and leaving your sweet comment.
DeleteYour beautiful post only serves to reaffirm that if something's meant to be, it's meant to be! How lovely for you! Love does indeed conquer all! It gives the rest of us hope! :)
ReplyDeletea slice of ur life...and a romantic one too...its wonderful.. :)
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