As the love month draws to a close, I finally mustered my courage to write a post on something so intimate and personal, that is, something that matters much to my heart.

Many people were still asking if it was He who left or was it I who abandoned Him.

I began my reflections for the day and I saw this posted on my wall:

The truth is I am emptying myself because I wanted to accomodate more people into my life. I wish to forgive others. I wish to forgive myself. I knew that I could give myself totally if nothing holds me back. And it was pure grace that I felt it coming now...

today...

In the afternoon while having a lunch break, my colleague spoke of a commentary she heard over the radio. As she was recounting the story between two friends who benefited from their relationship, my mind flashed back on all the times I clung to pain just so I could feel that He's still part of me. Just so, I could feel because most parts of me have already become numb.

I wish to remember my past with love not pain...

We wrote the lovestory together. His friends called it a fairytale ~ except that, we lived happily ever after apart from each other...

He left the last chapter unfinished and I felt like throwing the book away. But today, I took it again and decided to conclude the chapter...

He went away never to come back...

But He gave the princess so much love in her heart. It didn't diminish with His absence. Instead, it grew accordingly because she nourished it.

She felt His Spirit in everything she does... she wove magic with her hands. And the people around her felt Him. They didn't understand with their mind but they felt it with their heart. 

He is alive!

I reread the whole book, Memoirs of a Young Traveler, and I felt that He gave me authority to finish it the way He wishes it to be...

fresh eyes...

dilated heart... 

renewed love...

Melissa Tandoc

About the Author :
Born with a greek name "honey"...to a spanish named couple, "corazon" (heart) and "amado" (beloved)...we live in the atrium of my country...a former missionary of north africa... raised in the school of happiness in the path of pain... am taking up a crash course on forgiveness... and i hope to get my diploma in the university of love.My love calls himself "God hears" and i pray one day, i'll live with him in the "City of God".I call myself a "citizen of the world".Get a glimpse of my writing on my blog at " Depth"

What will Neeraj gift me today? Will he at all remember about today? Will he propose to me? Shall I agree and jump with joy? These and questions like these stormed through Meera’s mind from the moment she checked the calendar and it showed 14th February. It was the day of love or Valentine’s Day. Neeraj and Meera had become synonymous to each other, they were always together, be it in office or outside, they worked together, watched movies together and even spent their weekends mostly with each other. Meera hailed from a conservative family but constant reference to Neeraj in everything she did, had removed the fear from her mother’s mind that he meant some harm for her. Neeraj had become equivalent to a girl-friend of Meera’s and her mother was completely at ease with that. The same was the case with Neeraj’s family. Although conservative, Meera had become a household name for them, having heard so much about her for almost two whole years his parents had also included her name under ‘Family’ while making the guest-list for Neeraj’s elder brother’s upcoming wedding.

Such was the scenario that inability to reach either of them prompted either family to call the other person and inquire where he or she was. It will be unfair to say that their families had never suspected the existence of romantic feelings between Meera and Neeraj. In the beginning of their acquaintance when both of them frequently mentioned the other to their family, their families had suspected something wrong. However, the suspicion was nipped in the bud when both Meera and Neeraj had shouted at their respective mothers for having called each other to inquire about the status of their relationship. They had become so angry at their mothers’ immature behavior that they had not talked to them for over a month. After much cajoling and pleading the episode was put to rest and things resumed it normal pace and reached the current scenario. Thus, no one ever mentioned anything about the same to any of them.

‘Remember your mom thought that we were in love. How weird of her to think that…’ voiced Neeraj. ‘Excuse me? My mom thought? What about your Mom? Even she thought the same…’ shot back Meera. ‘Yeah….I mean how stupid of them to think any such thing…You and me…it’s just not possible right?’ offered Neeraj. Ouch…. That was a stab at the heart, it was true that they were not in love but why was it not possible? Was she not pretty or nice enough? Why was she thinking any of these? Neeraj was right… it was impossible, thought Meera. ‘Yes… as always…. you are right!’ she quickly added lest Neeraj read any of her thoughts.

Today standing in the Ladies' washroom and checking herself in the mirror, Meera thought about this conversation that had taken place a week back. Why had Neeraj suddenly brought it up? Was he just judging the waters? Or was it just a casual remark? Since then Neeraj had been behaving weirdly with her. He was always busy when she called him or asked him to take tea break. She even had to cancel her movie plans on Saturday because Neeraj was not free. What was suddenly wrong with him? Anyways, there were others in the office, she thought, who does he think he is? 

But the truth was that she was missing him, and badly so. Why were men so stupid? If he was in love with her then he should tell her so, and then they will find out a way to deal with it. Or, was this better? She was all too confused about her emotions and also about Neeraj’s weird behavior.

Leaving the washroom, she noticed Neeraj leaning against Ritu’s cubicle and laughing at something silly. She felt irritated to say the least. She felt like walking up to him and slapping him hard. What did he think of himself? She did walk up to him and said ‘I have something important to tell you…. Can you come with me?’ Startled by her sudden order, Neeraj’s smile vanished and he said, ‘I will be there in some time, I have some work with Ritu’ saying so he dismissed her completely. Standing there, Meera felt stupid. Without saying anything further she walked straight out of office and into the parking lot coffee zone. She sat there staring blankly at the wall… she was confused with her emotions…. She was feeling jealous and felt a lump form in her throat. What was happening to her?

‘Do I smell anything burning here?’ joked Neeraj. Lost in her thoughts, Meera had not noticed him walk in and take the seat beside her. The lightness in his voice made her eyes fill up with tears. ‘Hey… are you crying? Look I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you’ said Neeraj guiltily holding her face in his hands. This gesture broke down all her defenses and she pushed his hands away to rest her head on his shoulders. With tears streaming down her face she declared: ‘I think…. I…love you…’ 

‘I know that…. I love you too…. There is no need to say anything else. I know what you think and I also know what you feel. I wanted you to understand your feelings…… that is the reason why I moved away from you for the last week… and... before I forget Happy Valentine's Day Love’ saying so Neeraj held her in his warm embrace. A smile appeared on her tear-stained face and she snuggled close to him.