NO TIME TO GO FAST
If this was my last day on earth, how would I want to spend it?
‘The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.’ SenecaOkay, calm down, relax….let me drink some water….I would probably do this, if I survived the initial shock of this statement, after all who wants to die!! Then I will want to find out, is everybody in the world going to die in one day or is it just me? That might change a few things...Pray to go to heaven….if there is a place called heaven….or I will try to stop the earth from rotating... So that the next day never comes... lol!!
I might waste a lot of time wracking my brains, trying to find out how I should spend it…. I guess I would do everything humanly possible to make my last day the best! I will show my love to the ones, I care about the most so they remember me in a good way…. Spend most of it with my daughter….the only regrets I will have, of dying….making good long lasting memories…. would hold onto to her and never let go! Seriously, I would spend the whole time with my baby, squeezing her, and loving her along with my Mom, she has been my rock and I would tell her how much I love her, and how much I appreciate her. I would have to resolve everything and not hold back.
I might waste a lot of time wracking my brains, trying to find out how I should spend it…. I guess I would do everything humanly possible to make my last day the best! I will show my love to the ones, I care about the most so they remember me in a good way…. Spend most of it with my daughter….the only regrets I will have, of dying….making good long lasting memories…. would hold onto to her and never let go! Seriously, I would spend the whole time with my baby, squeezing her, and loving her along with my Mom, she has been my rock and I would tell her how much I love her, and how much I appreciate her. I would have to resolve everything and not hold back.
Gosh, if I was told this, I would spend most of it crying also, and holding on to my loved ones. The thought of only having one day to tell them everything I want them to know and remember would be so hard to do and the very thought of knowing that I would never see them and be with them again would be heartbreaking . I pray this never happens, I would rather not know I was dying then to have a time limit and wait with dread for this day to come.
Although I would want to get everything in order, I don't believe I would be able to keep my feelings out of the way long enough to do this. Like I said, I would be holding my family, friends and probably talking to my best friend, asking how this could have happened and trying to get everything I needed said before I passed away!!
And to think about the love of my life....I am getting goose bumps just at the thought of it....I am struggling with words now, can’t think as to how he will feel….and I don’t want to let go of him....someone I can feel in my heart and soul, someone who has taught me how to live...and completes in every way....and I will wish for that one day to be longer...don’t want to say goodbye to you ever...my journey with you has just begun. I will want to tell him that, no matter how far you are, no matter how long it will be, you will always be with me... I will see you always as clear as day, for our love knows no boundaries, because you see... our hearts are one, and mine is always home with you.
Or, my reaction might be something totally different, will go about doing my work as any other normal day. I prefer to die a natural death, do not want to let everyone know that I will die today. Why should I behave abnormally at the thought of death? What is it after all? I should know how to welcome death into my life. If I do that, death will probably hesitate and let me have a few more days. I might probably sit crying bitter in a dark corner, or in denial. I don’t know if I can't possibly know it’s for sure, and remain sane in the head.
The thought of being alone also crosses my mind; I think that I would want to spend my last day on earth alone, in a place that I've never visited before. I have always been mesmerized by lighthouses, so I would most probably shed my last tears, show my last smile, dream my last dreams, have my last laugh, and appreciate myself and the beauty of life for the last time on top of an old lighthouse. I would be sitting there alone, rethinking everything that I have done, and feeling all the emotions that I had in my short, but happy life. It would be the vagueness of the ocean that I want to see last...and while I am dying, I don't want any of my loved ones to see to me so....
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." Mahatma Gandhi
My daughter believes that I am going to be around for a long time. That really is just her way of saying take care of yourself Mom, because I want and need you to be around. I don't ever want her to think that she will get caught up in how I died but more importantly, she will think about how I lived and especially how I was as a mother, remember me for being kind and loving in all that I did, and for not just saying that I loved her, but for expressing my love in every aspect of her life.
But I'm not dead, and I believe that I hope my daughter is correct in her prophesy, that I am going to be around for a long time. I still have time to make sure that she has only the best things to say about me when I do kick the bucket, and that's a real comforting thought.
I will want to say I'm sorry if I wasn't kind or loving enough to those I may have hurt. Why is being kind and loving the thing I want to be remembered for? Well, I have had enough arguments in my life, and being kind and loving is not something that anyone can argue with.
As I am writing further, I am beginning to consciously contemplate the choice of the word "tomorrow" over the insertion of the word "today". It may seem a debatable point, and yet I began to question myself as to why it is that I will reference a possible demise tomorrow, and not today? Some see talk of death as morbid and frightening. And I suppose if I were completely honest with myself and those who are reading this; I am more comfortable with reference to my death being a future reference. As I write this, I have no intentions of shortening of my days....and I don’t want to actually think about it also.
It has been said that the art of living successfully seems to be in holding two seeming opposite ideas in tension: to live our lives as though we would live forever, and to conduct ourselves as though we could die tomorrow….or today . Maybe we all live our lives unconsciously aware of our mortality, acknowledging its inevitability but hopeful that it will not become a reality today. And maybe unconsciously aware is not a bad thing. It keeps us mindful, on some level, of the fragility of human life, and also should inspire us to live our lives intentionally and mindfully. If at all my fate is to be diagnosed with something sinister in the future, I would hope to model grace and appreciation to my significant others and to my caregivers. In the meantime, living in the glorious state of not knowing the day or the hour, I hope to live with my eyes, ears and heart open. And if I really have to go, I will want my friends to gather round after I die and say, "Bon voyage! You sure knew how to go slow!"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die….When is the time to let go?
Copyright@Motifs2011
Labels: Death, life, love, memories, heaven
Pictures: Courtesy Google Images
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Death is the one thing which is certain. We can never avoid it. But we must make the most of life as long as we are alive. Gandhi said- 'Live each day as if it were your last'.
ReplyDeleteOn a scientific note, life on earth will indeed cease to exist one day, and that day may be tomorrow, next year[2012], or maybe thousand years from now. Reasons for it can be solar flares, comet strike, change in weather pattern due to global warming, etc.
this is till date your best post ever
ReplyDeleteI think death is the prize we win for ourselves in the race of life.We should be proud of this as we won the race of life and God has chosen us to meet him in person.What could be better then that?
ReplyDeleteExcellent post Alpana :D
Congratulations on being so accepting about death. Not many of us do. Like you have mentioned that we all go on living like we are going to live forever - we do in fact. We don't even want a vague thought about our mortality to cross our minds. Yet we are such vulnerable, fragile creatures susceptible of death's iron claws to rob us away from light forever. I deal with this dilemma believing that there is a life after death. I like to believe that death is a transitional phase that takes us on to a parallel world where perhaps we are just being born to live our lives all over again! thanks for the post! It was daring and eye-opening.
ReplyDeleteALpana - my greatest fear of death is also the fear of my daughter being without me - that completely drives me crazy ... I will become the atmosphere but will she sense me there?? Will i still be able to protect her?? your post is definitely food for thought ...
ReplyDeleteI know that when I gave my life to Christ Jesus my fear of death abated, I can now say that for me to live is Christ in me and to die is gain! He changed my whole world and blessed me with such peace,happiness and prosperity. I know that heaven awaits me and It is tough waiting...
ReplyDeleteI know that when I gave my life to Christ Jesus my fear of death abated, I can now say that for me to live is Christ in me and to die is gain! He changed my whole world and blessed me with such peace,happiness and prosperity. I know that heaven awaits me and It is tough waiting...
ReplyDeleteLoved it Mom,nothing can ever happen to you,I need u alwaz MA...LUV YOU!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Alpu Mausi,I didn't want you to write on it earlier,but I like your outlook towards it.
ReplyDeletewill keep me thinking,excellent article.
ReplyDeleteA great writer in the making,so honest with your thoughts
ReplyDeleteHaving a daughter that is special needs with a very special diet, I think about death just about each day. I don't believe that is being morbid, just realistic. Everyone is going to die eventually, and if thinking about your death changes the way you live your life, then I think it is a wise thing to do.
ReplyDeleteI contemplate how my daughter will live, who will help her through life, will she be able to count on her brother long after he is married and has a family of his own, who will cook for her, will she ever grasp the concept of cooking for herself...the list goes on and on. I have tried to teach everyone in the family how to cook and bake for her, but it's just easier for them to let me do it. I have compiled a huge notebook of recipes and another notebook with everything someone would need to know to take care of her.
Contemplating what you would do on the last day of your life is something more people should do. I think it would drastically change what they find as priorities in their life. Good job and wonderful post!!
I love it,beta..I too didn't want you to write this ,because,I didn't want to see you associating yourself with pain..I am so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteMay God give the insight to always write..its wonderful to see your train of thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAs is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.Keep writing.you are an inspiration to many.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud to be called your sister,you are getting better each day..Go follow your dreams,I can see a very bright future for you,You deserve the BEST in life.
ReplyDeleteAs always a very interesting read. I think I would be like WC FIELDS and look for loop holes lol
ReplyDeleteJIm
I hadn't given this a thought until today. Indeed an eye opening post. Excellent piece,Alpana
ReplyDeleteI hadn't given this a thought until today. Indeed an eye opening post. Excellent piece,Alpana
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, poetic writing and filled with a lot of great sass... Hope that makes sense...
ReplyDeleteShe smiles through the pain because she knows, even though she's breaking inside, he's still watching.I wish I could reach out to you just once,and let you know that you are safe,how do manage to write the exact feelings of every man..its simply beautiful,tell your daughter that her mom is indeed the best...My fascination for you now needs another term,with a deeper feeling......
ReplyDeleteFantastic as usual Alpu...beautiful!
ReplyDeleteGreat!
ReplyDeleteYou have always come out with such fantastic writings. Keep it going Alpana.
ReplyDeleteKeep on writing..You are the best.
ReplyDelete"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
ReplyDeleteLife is the most precious gift we could have received and want to savour every moment of life....happiness and sadness...but I don't fear death...I know that there is something else after death.!!
@Satwinder: Thank u,I will be a fraud,if I say that death does not scare me..no can can avoid the inevitable..and thank you for the scientific tip.
ReplyDelete@Priyashmita: Thank you.
@Abhisek: True,one should celebrate life..and thank you...for everything,will need you always.
@Yoshay: Thanks,it is difficult to accept death,and I guess the faster we do,it will become simpler.
@Kriti: Thanks,and yes,my thoughts are like yours,can't think of letting go.
@Ed: I actually applaud you for accepting life and death at equal equations..wish you a great life ahead.
@Aishani: Love you too,I can't think of leaving you,and remember,I am always there for u.
ReplyDelete@Hansika: I know what you had meant,and I love you for that.
@Terrence: Thank you.
@Sonam: Thank you for your kind words.
@Mary: Thank you for sharing this aspect of your life,my biggest fear is also my daughter.
@Mummy: Thank you,you only want to see me happy,believe me,I think the worst is over..
ReplyDelete@Andrew: Thank for,for your kind words.
@Avantika: Thank you.
@Anila: You are my 'back bone'..can't think of doing anything without your support.
@Jim: Thank you..do you think there are any loop holes?
@whatstruckme: Thank you.
@Eva: My sweet Eva,thank you.
@Nina: Thanks,and its an honour,coming from you.
@An Admirer: Don't you think its high time you left your masquerade..I don't like to communicate like this.
@Swati: Thank you.
@Muna Mamun: Thank you.
@RoshaN: Thank you.
@Kushagra: Love you.
@Maria: Wish I too had such positive thoughts..
Really thought provoking my dear friend. I often think about it.
ReplyDelete